There I was thinking you were done and dusted with this site.

I'm not a poet, but the repetitions were nice, and I quite enjoyed "I'll sick and seizure just the same".

Reads much better out loud.

--
<alienhead>SORRY I AM NOT UP TO SPEED ON DILDONICS.

It comes and it goes, but not everyone is lucky enough to have it return.

Poetry or life?

--
--
`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`

Slither my sliver of silver shivers,
into time's gears,
So maybe someday it will cease to deliver
the product of my fears.

a friend.

--
Breaking entering
The dark and lonely places
Finding a big gun

thanks - finally got around to editing it.

--
Breaking entering
The dark and lonely places
Finding a big gun

This is really good. Excellent in fact. The structure, how you've laid it out in a sort of "starting point, travel, ending point" works fantastically well.

where a conveyer lets go, go, go
until the rollers break;
until the rubber throws up its hands
in split hair strands, and finally says
“no.”

It may seem like a simple, easy-to-see-coming rhyme, but honestly, I was really taken aback by this bit of the second stanza. It's amazingly powerful.

The only thing I can find that could be improved is the opening. It seems a little weird to have all of those complex phrases just separated with a comma. A small irk.

This is really, really great. Best piece of poetry I've read on dA in some time. If I had ever learned your name, I'd say, "Good job [your name]." But alas, I'm forced to say good job, nonculture. Seriously.

--
abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz

I saw, darling, but do lie.

This is a beautiful poem. <3

--
_{00:37:09 <GunShyMartyr> Why is ~mypenis a seniorpoet?}

[insert Kelly]

How could I have forgotten that?

--
abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz

I saw, darling, but do lie.

ha - it happens to all of us. Thanks for the fav and comment. I still creep around here sometimes.

--
Breaking entering
The dark and lonely places
Finding a big gun

The first stanza started out simple,
but the second definitely kickass;

No cocktails, no Dramamine,
I’ll sick and seizure just the same;
my manual is made of liquid,
...
where a conveyer lets go, go, go

And this line here:
a mile up, or six feet down

summarizes everything about funeral just right.

I really don't have a critique.
You're good.

--

_{haikus are easy
but sometimes they don't make sense
refrigerator}